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Tuesday, July 22, 2014

bursting your bubble about nursing


Dear John/Jane Q. Public:

I am about to burst your bubble about nursing. You know the profession that is most admired, comes up number one in those polls? Those angels of mercy, Mother Teresa types? The ones that soothe your fevered brow?

Guess what? Nursing is a job. Thats all it is. The difference between your job and my job is that there are sick people at my job. My job is no different than your job. I punch the clock in and out. I do whats necessary to the best of my ability.

Here's the thing: I did not have a "calling" to this job. Mostly I went for this job because of its flexibility, security and variety. I didn't have a deep yearning to help people. Thats just a nice side part.

I do this job to help support my family. If I won the lottery, would I keep doing the job? Hell no. I would be out of there in a heartbeat. I'll let you in on a secret, Mr./Mrs. Public, this is just a job to me. I didn't set out to help humanity. I am not Florence Nightengale. A lot of the time, the job sucks.

I can just hear some people saying: You obviously never should have become a nurse. Blah blah blah. People have this distorted image of nursing as these people who have a need to sacrifice themselves for others. We are these angels of mercy put on earth to serve humanity. Makes me laugh. We do the job, cash the check, go home to the family and try to forget about the job. So don't put your ridiculous expectations on us and then be disappointed that we are just people doing a job.

Sincerely,

madness the nurse

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Which ER supplies the softest, most cuddliest and toasty warm blankie?


I'm thinking about starting a new local ER website. As a service to humanity.

On this site would be listings of every ER in the city and the waiting times on their websites. Listed in order of least waiting time to most. Length of typical visit.

In the interest of serving the community, there would be a list of whether the ER has:

1) box or bag lunches and their contents and rotation
2) types of (cold, icy) juice and selection of crackers
3) whether they supply warm, cuddly, toasty blankets.
4) footie availability and color selection
5) whether they have TV (with HDTV cable or DVD availibility)
6) probability of getting a cab voucher or bus token
7) probability of you scoring a script for percocet
8) probability of you taking an ambulance in for a sore throat and getting back to a room versus being put in the lobby
9) comfort of chairs in lobby and presence of TV, fish tank, vending machines (quality of snacks, selection of sodas), play area
10) whether your car can be valet parked on arrival

There would be a comment section in which you could name names about which docs at which ERs were Dr Feelgoods.

Oh the fun that could be had! The comments section could be entertaining in and of itself.

Hey...its a competitive world out there and patient satisfaction is the goal of every single solitary person in the ER, including of course, yours truly, thus the web site... 

Saturday, July 19, 2014

the land of make believe


I work in the land of make believe. In this land all of the nurses are perfect. We never call in sick. We have a sweet smile and a kind word for every patient, even that drunk guy who shit and peed himself. Intead of reacting angrily to being called a "fuckin' bitch", we de-escalate the crap out of that person for an hour if we have to. Cause thats the kind of nurses that we are...

We think all of the doctors are perfect. We don't mind if OCD doc orders 50 unnecessary tests, you just never know what evil lurks after all. We understand her concerns about liability. Who wouldn't? And if candy man doc orders dilaudid q 5 min, we give it with glee and push it in rapidly just like the drug seekers want us to. They are in pain after all...

We understand why the nurse upstairs is in an isolation room, busy, at dinner, on the phone, in the bathroom, and we wait patiently for her to call us back. Housekeeping is our best friend and we don't mind if it takes 2 hours to clean that "stat clean". Once again we will use our "de-escalation" skills to talk the family down. Thats what we do..

When the lobby is full and back pain Barney has come up to the desk for the 10th time in the last half hour, we will sympathize and offer him a cart in back of triage, who cares if there are already 8 carts lined up back there? There is always room for one more..

Last but most certainly not least, we don't mind going 6 or 8 hours without a break. Our patients need us and if it means missing a meal to take care of them, well - do you think florence nightengale every got a break? I don't think so...

Our ER is perfect. The nurses are perfect, it goes without saying our docs are perfect. Our care is perfect. We follow all the rules. We do everything they tell us to do. We never complain. We love everybody and want everyone to be happy...

How was your day?